Shah's thoughts

celaru

esok cuti.. kebetulan esok ayah, adik dan mak jah with clan dah nak beransur pulang ke terengganu.. dikin and mek pula scheduled for a flight to Sabah in the afternoon.. sesuai sangat kena bercuti..

ida sangat sensitif kan? bila upset, semua benda yg mudah dan simple pun jadi complicated. bukan ida mintak untuk jadi manusia yang complicated..

rasa celaru yang amat sekarang. terasa ada perkara yang nak dikongsi bersama, untuk dilepaskan dari bersawang dalam fikiran. tetapi buat masa ni, segala bait2 rasa yang ada harus disimpan supaya segalanya dapat ditelaah dengan tepat dan sewajarnya..

hopefully with the break taken tomorrow, rasa celaru yang ada akan dapat dirungkaikan seadanya.

rasanya, harus lebih matang dalam menangani keadaan, menelaah perasaan dan menatap kenyataan..

for my childhood fren

take a little bit

of time

to understand

that for now,

this is where i stand

at the cross roads

between you and him..

take a little bit

of faith

to remember

that long before

it was you

that taught my heart

learn to know love more than hate

take a little bit

of patience

to persevere

that someday

it is me

that shall make your love burn

so bright to keep us both warm

through the coldness blizzard of loneliness-

i know you would understand and have faith

i know you loved me then and love me still

in your halting voice, i sip the truth

to remember that

after all of these and all of those

we are friends who love first

and to hate, never-

time is what i need to sort things out

to gather the strength and take the best road

whether it leads to you or drives us further apart

i shall not know...

say you found me, darling

say i have you..

for i do not know whether you love me enough

to have me love you back as much as you do..

hello

hello~

i wonder about you

are you okay?

does life treat you fine?

do you remember me a bit, if not much?

i thought i saw u in the shadows

reached out to touch

only to know that you are gone

never there for me at all

hello~

i thought i'd be over you

that i could just throw the feelings

and got away and away

forgetting all the hopes of us

and never to be a fool

and i wish

that i won't wish the same thing

again

and i hope

that i won't hope the same thing

anymore

what can i do

to have all the dreams back?

to smile and dance free in the light?

when i just need to take a breath in

to remember you still with my every being~

hello, hi, um-

i don't know whether this is love for you

or that i'm just stubborn to admit defeat

i don't know whether this hurt i feel

is what a heart feels when it's broken

or only a twinge of heart burn

what is there left for me to say?

to have you stay and love me

when a wall so high is there between us

the unrelenting ego,

yours, mine and ours~

hello~

i miss u.

and i wonder

whether i love you true

to feel this pain as much as i do

hello~

Encik AE Zaira,

i could not unlove you still...

pity me if u want

but this stubborn heart loves you.

i love you.

book hunting trips

to be happy

i drove all the way

and walked the extra miles

to reach that book shop

by the corner inside the central market

i am happy

to spend the time i have

hunting and poking around

the shelves of countless books and novels

some good, some bad

to find a gem that can make the trip worth my while

it is with happy thoughts

when at home i lie down

and lose myself into another bittersweet dimension

where love is all that matters to us mortals

and not this dreary working life that i have to endure.

to be happy, i must be

just thinking about the trips i'm going to take

soon

very, very soon.

a poem for Qayyim

i miss u
when we meet but couldn't talk

i miss u
when we talk but couldn't share

i miss u
when we share but couldn't laugh

i miss u
when we are together but apart

i miss u
when i'm here but you're there

but i miss u most
when the only company i want is YOU but you're not here..