kecewa.hampa.ketawa.

call me a cynic, but today's lunch meeting with a stranger seems like a bad taste that refuse to let me be.

kesimpulannya, kecewa.hampa.ketawa.

the truth is, even though this fellow seem to be playing full offensive tactics, i thought that perhaps in person i could find myself a casual fren. nothing much.

boy, was i wrong. now i remembered how i met him. we stumbled in the office lift, and he was so eager to exchange info, i only replied in courtesy, nothing much.

and today, the sickening feeling in my gut, one that i only reserve for someone of the past, came back with a vengeance.

it left such a bad taste. i tried to convey the impersonal message by not replying to his sms-es and mantaining the freezing cool demenour as we met. and i brought along rafidah as a human shield and apt deflector. that should have explained it clearly but no! he just won't listen.

sombong ke? memilih ke?

tak. saya jujur untuk menerima seorang sahabat baru, sekadar kawan. tapi bila baru berkenalan pun dah tak mampu mengawal keadaan agar tidak melemaskan, saya jadi serabut dan meny@mp@h.

for example, pagi semalam baru dia call, dah siap bagitau tarikh bday dia dan dapatkan my bday date. in brief second, ajak keluar malam2 utk minum. ok-la, kawan.. tapi saya kenal awak ke?

pastu siap tanya, kalau keluar pakai baju apa? <- encik azian cakap, jawab je "saya tak pakai baju >:("

then tanya orang bawa kereta apa. whilst promoting the fact that he got a car and a motorcycle.

blabalablabalablabala-

and finally he backed me into aggreeing for a lunch. i said i was busy. and unfortunately i volunteered the info that i am free for lunch on tuesday only. tu la pasal tetiba je hari ni kena lunch dengan dia. :((

tak menyempat-nyempat, semalam masa still kat opis, by 9 or so, dia sms lagi, ajak keluar after abis kerja malam tu jugak.

deng.

i was not interested and tired.

sepanjang malam rasa tak best. rasa curang pun ada walau niat sekadar berkawan sesama manusia. rasa takut peristiwa lama berulang kembali. all the signs are there, i should be blind not to sense it a mile ahead.

and this morning, he sent sms "dah sampai opis ke? dah bfast? suka nasi lemak tak?"

courtesy called again: jrg2.

"u suka minum soya?"

annoyed: ai, buat survey?

blabalablabalablabala-

i was like- Gawd! buat emosiku terasa lemas gila..

i mean, what he had acted and said, just didn't even rate as a friend.

i think i need to be honest with him that i simply couldn't tolerate any time .....

within our 15 minutes lunch where i couldn't get my eyes off the watch every 10 seconds, i was offered into going jogging with him in the neighbourhood. as i left, i was again invited to meet up tonight.

double deng!

i know, i shouldn't be so harsh. maybe this is the annoyance that Abang suffered when he's with me. but truly, there's no such torture that i could endure..

i'll try to sum up my compassion to tell him the truth. i got to.

kenapa kecewa? pasal till this time i don't know how to befriend a guy that's not romantically link or work related.

hampa? pasal saya masih tak dapat keluar dari kepompong yang sama. hidup saya masih terpelihara tanpa saya punya keyakinan yang cukup untuk lebih selesa berhubungan sosial sesama manusia.

ketawa. pasal kesian kat diri masing2.. kenapa la terjumpa insan tersebut dan dia terjumpa saya? it was so ironic.

oh, well, c'est la vie~l

Comments

[Aishah]

hey girl! i say you should tolerate this new friends without expectation. go on girl! you can befriends with guys. treat him like you do the ozf guys. take care, anyway. if you keep feeling lemas then better you tell him the truth before sinking. :)

[shah]

i know.. cuma dia macam dah pakai gear 4 sedangkan saya masih tengah panas enjin.

oh, well. tak kisahlah..