Shah's thoughts

wanted rawks!

before i start with my personal take on this mind-blowing movie, here's a plot summary:

"Wanted" tells the tale of one apathetic nobody's transformation into an unparalleled enforcer of justice. In 2008, we're introduced to a hero for a new generation: 25 year old employed slacker, WESLEY GIBSON. Wes is the most disaffected, cube-dwelling, clock-punching drone this planet has ever known. His boss chews him out hourly, his girlfriend ignores him routinely, and his life plods on in interminable boredom and routine. Everyone knows this disengaged slacker will amount to absolutely nothing, and so does he, until he meets the sexy, foxy woman named FOX, and then everything changes. Wes' estranged father is murdered, and the deadly Fox recruits him into The Fraternity, a secret society that trains him to avenge his father's death, by unlocking his dormant powers. And oh boy does he have powers, as she teaches Wes how to develop his lightning-quick reflexes and phenomenal agility, he discovers that The Fraternity lives by an ancient, unbreakable code: to carry out the death orders given by emotionless Fate itself. Wes, with his wickedly brilliant and sexy tutor, plus the paternal guidance of The Fraternity's enigmatic leader, SLOAN, young Wes grows to enjoy all the strength and success he ever wanted. But, slowly, he realizes there's more to his dangerous associates than meets the casual eye. And, as he wavers between new found heroism and vengeance, Wes will come to learn what no one can ever teach him; that he alone controls his destiny.

"no you hang up" by Shayne Ward

walaupun kebanyakan lagu Shayne Ward macam cheesy, saya suka lagu ni..

You got my attention at hello

We had this connection that wouldn’t let go

There was something sexy ‘bout your voice

Anything you say makes a beautiful noise

And now we break up to make up right away

Just an excuse to lay in bed all day

I know that this thing we have won't ever change

And that’s why I have the confidence to say

CHORUS:

A lot of girls are sexy

but you know how to use it

You can keep me up on the phone all night

We say lets hang up on 3 but we don’t ever do it

Aint it crazy how after all this time

We got that you hang up no you hang up kinda love

We got that you hang up no you hang up kinda love

Verse:

Every time you call me, I wont lie

I still get the goosebumps I felt the first time

That I saw you walk into a room

Girl you hand me hooked on that beautiful view

And now we break up to make up right away

Just an excuse to lay in bed all day

I know that this thing we have wont ever change

And that’s why I have the confidence to say

CHORUS:

A lot of girls are sexy

but you know how to use it

You can keep me up on the phone all night

We say lets hang up on 3 but we don’t ever do it

Aint it crazy how after all this time

We got that you hang up no you hang up kinda love

We got that you hang up no you hang up kinda love

Bridge:

And baby you still know just how to

Blow my mind

After everything that we’ve been through

It still feels right

And I know, that I can’t

Picture living my life without you

CHORUS:

A lot of girls are sexy

but you know how to use it

You can keep me up on the phone all night

We say lets hang up on 3 but we don’t ever do it

Aint it crazy how after all this time

We got that you hang up no you hang up kinda love

We got that you hang up no you hang up kinda love

-> cam comel je kan?

made of honour

read ahead for these 2 movies:

1. made of honor

2. the happening

i thought of jotting also on a movie that i watched on ASTRO but for a moment of lapse, i lost it there. so there shall be only 2 stories la. korang tak kisah kan?

made of honour didn't rub me in the rightest way. it's ok but the fizzy chemistry wasn't there. other than the companiability and token honesty that they shared, i honestly couldn't figure out what appeals most about the guy. as for hannah, i can see why. she gots quality there, and she's smart, sensitive and easy on the eyes. in this movie, i love the part where he takes care of her, buying coffee and knowing her favourites as she does him. also, the part where they spent the Sundays together, doing whimsical things that only they can do it comfortably together.

em, i edit later bleh. got to go for lunch!

ok, sambung balik. walaupun takde idea. pelan-pelan la ek. pasal lately rasa movies tu cam kurang kick. malas nak komen lebih-lebih..

here's a synopsis shared by wiki-wiki on this movie:

Tom(Patrick Dempsey) and Hannah (Michelle Monaghan) met in college when he accidentally slipped in her bed thinking she was her roommate. He was impressed how feisty and honest she was. He always had girls flinging themselves at him but Hannah was against all that.

10 years later on, Tom is successful in life. He's become wealthy from his invention of the "coffee collar", has plenty of guy friends to hang with, a new girl every week, and his one best friend. From the very start it's obvious this best friend is crazy about him and he takes her for granted. They go to antique stores together and guess each other desserts at a famous bakery.

One day, Hannah goes to Scotland on an acquisition trip for her museum (though still manages to spend 4 out of her 6 weeks there sight seeing) and Tom realises he feels empty without her. All the girls he goes out with while she is gone complain about the antiques store or can't even play the dessert guessing game. Tom decides to tell Hannah his feelings and ask her to be with him when she returns in six weeks.

As Tom gains his courage to ask her to be his partner, he finds out Hannah has become engaged to a wealthy man, Colin, in Scotland and plans to move there. Hannah asks Tom to be her "maid" of honor and he agrees so he can try to win Hannah back and stop the wedding. Tom decides to be the best maid of honor he possibly can be. He wants to show Hannah that she really doesn't know Colin all that well and that it was a mistake getting engaged so quickly. Hannah reveals that she is going to move to Scotland to be with Colin.

While in Scotland, Tom plans to tell Hannah he loves her. At a chance break during the hen party, they share a passionate kiss, then break away. Hannah then gets whisked off by her bridesmaids.

That night, Hannah goes up to Tom's room to talk to him. But before she arrives, Hannah's cousin, who Tom broke up with, comes into Tom's room and attempts to seduce him. Hannah walks in right as Hannah's cousin is on top of Tom. Tom and Hannah have an argument, and Tom leaves for home.

But on his way, he decides to stop the wedding. On horseback (borrowing a horse in exchange for part of his coffee collar royalties) he makes it to the chapel just in time, and kisses Hannah, who decides to cancel the marriage and marry Tom.

that simply simplifies it, kan? except that i was fighting myself to be awake all the while. tu la pasal bila filem tamat, saya pi beli tiket untuk tengok citer the happening walaupun waktu makin lewat..

entertaining parents part Uno

it wasn't easy being an only child, no? the fact that you have to prepare yourselves physically, mentally and financially before you brace all the tests that come in the form of 2 persons that had raised you from childhood until you become what you are now. mencabar utk jadi lebih sabar dan attentive.

kan?

the previous weekend till this wednesday morning, i had devoted myself to entertain my parents and younger siblings that came to stay a while at home no.7. terus terang cakap, many of my routine and r&r plans got to be pushed backward to accommodate them. in fact, penat seyhh! time table full dari siang ke malam. bagi individu yang sentiasa dibiarkan seorang, adjustment yg bukan sedikit diperlukan..

i'm not trying to be cruella here. far from it. in fact, i am trying NOT to be cruella. walaupun ada sikit2 suara jahat menggila, masih tahu tempat letak diri sebelum diperingatkan ibu.. bukan mudah untuk jadi ibu bapa. banyak pengorbanan yg telah ayah ibu laksanakan tanpa bertanya panjang. nak duit? nak daftar asrama? nak itu? nak ini? seharusnya jadi malu sendiri andai cruella masih berseloka lancang.

kan?

anyway, penat tu tetap penat. cuma hati berbakti diikhlaskan sedalam mungkin. nak buat camne, buat masa ini saya seorang sahaja emissary family yg berkemudahan lengkap utk menerima dan membantu sanak saudara yg ramai. in fact, i think, i should just rename home no.7 to a more appropriate lodging name :)

all in all, let me brief you of my off days. i picked Mak, Put and Ayah at LCCT on the Saturday morning. mah and syuhada was to come later. even though Mak suggested we proceeded straight to Alamanda, Ayah asked us to get home first for breakfast. they had rushed for the KT-KL flight that he didn't even get to drink coffee and have proper breakfast. so home no.7 it was. had a scrumptious breakfast and then after chitchatting, a short nap in the afternoon. by evening, mah and Syuhada arrived, joined later by Bayah. as it was getting late, mom, me and put went to alamanda to shop for his essentials.

we then rushed home after a tiring shopping venture. by 10, went out to Taman Warisan for late dinner. sangat lambat, semua kedai dah tutup kecuali sate samuri who gave in to at least prepare us sate sans the nasi kapit. my treat.

next in the morning, after having a heavy brunch, we rushed to UIAM Matriculation Center in PJ. lepak there for a few hours. Mak still insisting upon compounding her last minute edicts that i couldn't help but snort in exasperation. really. kekadang kesian gak tapi Mak, she seems unable to change her spots. ever. kesian. kekadang menyesal jugak bila difikirkan diri yg terkadang tidak pandai mengambil dan menyejukkan hati Mak. semacam penat nak melayan :( tu belum lagi bila Mak dah tua rete and me with my own family, kan? cuma terkadang, rasa tersiksa jiwa raga bila mak degil-degil berkeras sebegitu... there, i took the chance to walk around to the kedai Kamal where i used to hunt for sundries and newspaper back in year 1999-2000. terasa nostalgik sekejap bila jalan2 kat situ. all the old buildings across the road had been replaced by Jaya ONE. they even have Nando's and kopitiam there, can you imagine that? anyhow, put settled down nicely and we took a few pix there.

later on, me as the sole child, went with mak and ayah to MidV. Ayah got himself a rather pricey N81. nice one. mak was so sporting to show effort and interest in Ayah's latest acquisition whilst me the marauding soul couldn't help but maraude. yup. i was so used of being alone. we later on settled on Nando's delicious treat. know what, the Diva treat was really turning me into a diva.. lambat dan incomplete service sungguh! but glad that mak and Ayah enjoyed my treat there. dad managed to tuck in more even though he had his Burger King earlier as we waited for the NAndo chicken to appear.

balik umah sampai malam, i was bumped. there went my weekend. penat siot. nasib baik applied cuti rehat 2 hari. otherwise memang tension la masuk opis on monday dengan penat sebegitu...

xde mood.

been having trouble sleeping these few days. mood jadi tak berapa elok pagi ni..

:(

buat kerja pun jadi tak semangat. nasib baik tadi kak haslin NRE singgah bawak paper. ada jugak rasa cuaca cam redup sikit. otherwise, kemarau kosong yang berpanjangan..

agaknya angau semalam dah habis ya?

oh, well, esok cuti, mak, ayah and seipu wil be coming to kl by flight.. kena entertain ibu bapa.. kena kemaskan home no.7 dan bilik mom&dad..

sigh, rindu semangat suka menambah furniture dan merias home no.7~ sekarang macam sifat pasangan yg dah lama kahwin. taking things for granted. tak boleh jadi, kan? kena spice things up balik. hmmm.. nak amik cuti dua hari utk kemaskan rumah la.. bilik buku tu pun kena buat spring cleaning. buku yg tak best boleh dikembalikan balik..

harap-harap sakit kepala ni tak berlanjutan.. nak shopping!

what to watch?

as unspoken ritual, friday nite is usually spent at the movies or at the gym.

tonight, what to watch ya?

lagu hot! i kissed a girl by Katy Perry

This was never the way I planned
Not my intention
I got so brave, drink in hand
Lost my discretion
It's not what, I'm used to
Just wanna try you on
I'm curious for you
Caught my attention

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

No, I don't even know your name
It doesn't matter
You're my experimental game
Just human nature
It's not what, good girls do
Not how they should behave
My head gets so confused
Hard to obey

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

Us girls we are so magical
Soft skin, red lips, so kissable
Hard to resist so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain't no big deal, it's innocent

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

-> the tempo was upbeat and infectious. saya suka lagu ni!

of twitchy lips

today, i haven't the faintest idea of the cause but my lower lip couldn't stop from twitching, as if being nibbled or something. it kind of spooky but exhilarating nonetheless.

is it a sign of a silent disease? or is it just a supernatural pehenomenon that our tok nenek have the answers?

em, nak google la kot-kot ada. rasa macam ada article pasal ni..

Bibir

Sekiranya bibir kanan bergerak menunjukkan anda berada dalam keadaan aman.

Manakala jika bibir kiri atas bergerak menandakan anda akan menerima berita baik

Kedua-dua bibir bergerak menandakan akan bertemu kekasih

maklumat suka-suka ni saya dapat dari laman tips ni. bleh percaya ke? huhu-

here's what i found from yahoo! answers, it says twitchy lips could be related to stress or low in potassium or magnessium. stress? maybe. low in potassium or magnesium? perlukah saya minum susu magnesia dan makan lebih banyak jemput pisang?

and from wikiAnswers i got this one:

Facial muscle twitches, like that of the eye or lip, are most likely caused by stress. Your body is under more stress when pregnant because of hormonal changes, so a pregnancy could contribute to a twitch. However, twitches could be caused by other stresses in your life, a change in birth control meds, lack of sleep or good diet, etc.

and for the record, i'm not pregnant. ok? thankyou.

even though, i would love to. be pregnant, at that. it will give me ample excuse to blow up like  a whale whilst my hubby still adores me to the hilt.

angie once confided that brad finds her sexier when she's pregnant. actually she elaborated more on that, and i concur her views even though it sounded a bit tacky there. yup, some girls got their glow manifolds when they are pregnant.

i wish, well, i wish :)

 

i'm yours

bukan bermaksud untuk berkongsi lagu jason mraz "i'm yours" yang disukai medsyam dan echah. sekadar rasa yang ada, rasa happy, rasa di awang-awangan.

buat seketika, terasa bahagia dan berlapang dada. rindukan seseorang yang sedang sibuk bekerja nun jauh di sana, hope that he thinks of me too with a smile. dalam jiwa, seakan berkocak rasa rindu yang istimewa hanya untuk dia seorang.. tapi diri seakan selesa memberi ruang kepada Abang untuk mengisi ruang sendiri, sometimes i wonder whether it is better that way..

it isn't that my thoughts aren't brimming with his presence. his smiles, his tendency to incline his head unconsciously as he speaks or thinks, his jibes, terbayang di mata everytime i let myself to be swept away. walau sesibuk manapun minda berfikir tentang kerja, sentakan ingatan tentang senyuman Abang tetap datang bertamu menyebabkan ummm, well, made me miss him a little bit more.

he made me felt that there's a hope worth cherishing. a guy worth waiting for. even though the odds are a little bit high, i wish that i will be able to have us happy together.

he will always be my someone to cuddle up to when the going gets tough and share your shoddy days with. my very own McDreamy.

mungkin suatu hari nanti, kan? now i'm all dark and twisty, hahaha :)

sigh~ i'm yours, Abang.

rasa ingin relax

been doing a bit of work today that at a reprieve, i suddenly felt like talking to you.

this blogging spot still has troubles with the format. kena buat setting secara manual, ada kalanya membantutkan selera untuk menulis apa yang terlintas dikongsi.

after venting my negative emotion yesterday, suddenly rasa kesian pulak kepada Encik H tu. i mean, ida tak boleh salahkan dia kalau dia tak punya kemahiran dan pengalaman yang bersesuaian dengan jiwa ida. terkadang terasa macam tidak hormat pula. walaupun disrespect itu merupakan tanda yang jelas kenapa ida tak sesuai berkawan dengan dia, well, ida patutnya simpan pendapat peribadi itu untuk diri sendiri. kan?

semalam, selepas puas menghabiskan masa di atas treadmill dan strider for about 1 hour and half, and then bilik stim selama 5 minit, i had a much clearer mind. life is good and getting better. i am deeply in love with someone. even though he can sometimes be a grizzly bear, he is different from anyone else i know. someone funny, serious, thoughtful, suka merajuk, patriotic, sensitive, respectful, complicated... apa lagi ya? the thing is that, i love him much, much so. whether he loves me back as much as i do, well, itu kita lebih baik wait and see, ya..

okaylah. sambung kerja balik. saya tak nak angau lebih2 :)

take a bow by Rihanna

Ohh, how about a round of applause,

Yeah, standin’ ovation,

Ooh ohh yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah

You look so dumb right now,

Standin’ outside my house,

Tryin’ to apologize,

You’re so ugly when you cry,

Please, just cut it out

Don’t tell me you’re sorry ’cause you’re not,

Baby when I know you’re only sorry you got caught,

But you put on quite a show (ooh),

You really had me goin’,

But now it’s time to go (ooh),

Curtain’s finally closin’,

That was quite a show (ooh),

Very entertainin’,

But it’s over now (but it’s over now),

Go on and take a bow, ohh ohh.

Grab your clothes and get gone (get gone),

You better hurry up,

Before the sprinklers come on (come on),

Talkin’ ’bout girl, I love you, you’re the one,

This just looks like the re-run,

Please, what else is on.

And don’t tell me you’re sorry ’cause you’re not (mmm),

Baby when I know you’re only sorry you got caught (mmm),

But you put on quite a show (oh),

You really had me goin’,

But now it’s time to go (oh),

Curtain’s finally closin’,

That was quite a show (oh),

Very entertainin’,

But it’s over now (but it’s over now),

Go on and take a bow, ohh.

And the award for the best liar goes to you (goes to you),

For makin’ me believe that you could be paithful to me,

Let’s hear your speech out,

How about a round of applause,

A standin’ ovation.

But you put on quite a show (oh),

You really had me goin’,

But now it’s time to go (oh),

Curtain’s finally closin’,

That was quite a show (oh),

Very entertainin’,

But it’s over now (but it’s over now),

Go on and take a bow.

But it’s over now

kecewa.hampa.ketawa.

call me a cynic, but today's lunch meeting with a stranger seems like a bad taste that refuse to let me be.

kesimpulannya, kecewa.hampa.ketawa.

the truth is, even though this fellow seem to be playing full offensive tactics, i thought that perhaps in person i could find myself a casual fren. nothing much.

boy, was i wrong. now i remembered how i met him. we stumbled in the office lift, and he was so eager to exchange info, i only replied in courtesy, nothing much.

and today, the sickening feeling in my gut, one that i only reserve for someone of the past, came back with a vengeance.

it left such a bad taste. i tried to convey the impersonal message by not replying to his sms-es and mantaining the freezing cool demenour as we met. and i brought along rafidah as a human shield and apt deflector. that should have explained it clearly but no! he just won't listen.

sombong ke? memilih ke?

tak. saya jujur untuk menerima seorang sahabat baru, sekadar kawan. tapi bila baru berkenalan pun dah tak mampu mengawal keadaan agar tidak melemaskan, saya jadi serabut dan meny@mp@h.

for example, pagi semalam baru dia call, dah siap bagitau tarikh bday dia dan dapatkan my bday date. in brief second, ajak keluar malam2 utk minum. ok-la, kawan.. tapi saya kenal awak ke?

pastu siap tanya, kalau keluar pakai baju apa? <- encik azian cakap, jawab je "saya tak pakai baju >:("

then tanya orang bawa kereta apa. whilst promoting the fact that he got a car and a motorcycle.

blabalablabalablabala-

and finally he backed me into aggreeing for a lunch. i said i was busy. and unfortunately i volunteered the info that i am free for lunch on tuesday only. tu la pasal tetiba je hari ni kena lunch dengan dia. :((

tak menyempat-nyempat, semalam masa still kat opis, by 9 or so, dia sms lagi, ajak keluar after abis kerja malam tu jugak.

deng.

i was not interested and tired.

sepanjang malam rasa tak best. rasa curang pun ada walau niat sekadar berkawan sesama manusia. rasa takut peristiwa lama berulang kembali. all the signs are there, i should be blind not to sense it a mile ahead.

and this morning, he sent sms "dah sampai opis ke? dah bfast? suka nasi lemak tak?"

courtesy called again: jrg2.

"u suka minum soya?"

annoyed: ai, buat survey?

blabalablabalablabala-

i was like- Gawd! buat emosiku terasa lemas gila..

i mean, what he had acted and said, just didn't even rate as a friend.

i think i need to be honest with him that i simply couldn't tolerate any time .....

within our 15 minutes lunch where i couldn't get my eyes off the watch every 10 seconds, i was offered into going jogging with him in the neighbourhood. as i left, i was again invited to meet up tonight.

double deng!

i know, i shouldn't be so harsh. maybe this is the annoyance that Abang suffered when he's with me. but truly, there's no such torture that i could endure..

i'll try to sum up my compassion to tell him the truth. i got to.

kenapa kecewa? pasal till this time i don't know how to befriend a guy that's not romantically link or work related.

hampa? pasal saya masih tak dapat keluar dari kepompong yang sama. hidup saya masih terpelihara tanpa saya punya keyakinan yang cukup untuk lebih selesa berhubungan sosial sesama manusia.

ketawa. pasal kesian kat diri masing2.. kenapa la terjumpa insan tersebut dan dia terjumpa saya? it was so ironic.

oh, well, c'est la vie~l

underneath by Alanis Morissette

Look at us break our bonds in this kitchen

Look at us rallying all our defenses

Look at us waging war in our bedroom

Look at us jumping ship in our dialogues

There is no difference in what we're doing in here

That doesn't show up as bigger symptoms out there

So why spend all our time in dressing our bandages

When we've the ultimate key to the cause right here, our underneath

Look at us form our cliques in our sandbox

Look at us micro kids with both our hearts blocked

Look at us turn away from all the rough spots

Look at dictatorship on my own block

There is no difference in what we're doing in here

That doesn't show up as bigger symptoms out there

So why spend all our time in dressing our bandages

When we've the ultimate key to the cause right here, our underneath

How I've spun my wheels with carts before my horse

When shine on the outside springs from the root

Spotlight on these seeds of simpler reasons

This core, born into form, starts in our living room

There is no difference in what we're doing in here

That doesn't show up as bigger symptoms out there

So why spend all our time in dressing our bandages

When we've the ultimate key to the cause right here, our underneath

-> saya sangat suka lagu ni, anyone got mp3 of this gem?

my 27th birthday, bridget jones style

how did i spend my 27th bday? well, it's rather lame, actually.. tetiba je macam takde mood untuk bercerita. mungkin pasal there's nothing much that i did yg totally warranted mention......

to be honest, my bday was celebrated much in Bridget Jones' style.. except of course, i don't have a besotted Mr Darcy in the offing. oh, well, does that really matter much? :)

i'm grateful that i'm still alive. even though i had the tendencies of living precariously these days, i was given the opportunity to live a little bit longer..

as i said, i'm reliving Miss Jones' condition these days. self-loathing, imperfect body stature and melancholic, stuck at a job that she doesn't really like. been pining for a while.. em, not going to dwell on that either.

instead, i'll reintroduce you to Bridget Jones Diary once again.. here's the wiki synopsis:

Bridget Jones is frustrated; she is thirty-something, still single, and worried about her weight. She works at a book publishing company in

London

where her main focus is fantasizing about her boss Daniel Cleaver. On New Year's Day, she finally decides to turn it all around and starts her own diary, which covers all her attempts to stop smoking, lose weight, and catch her Mr. Right. Lawyer Mark Darcy, Bridget's mother's favourite choice for a future husband, does not appeal to Bridget at all. After seeing him at a Christmas party at her parents' house, she finds Mark to be annoying and arrogant.


Bridget and Daniel begin to flirt heavily at work and eventually start dating, despite the fact that he is a notorious womanizer with a questionable personality. Bridget learns from Daniel that he and Mark have a history and as a result, hate each other dearly. Daniel informs Bridget of their fallout, telling her that Mark broke their friendship by sleeping with his fiancee.

After Daniel's dubious character becomes clearer and clearer to Bridget, she breaks off their relationship when she catches him with another woman, a colleague of his from work in

New York

. In the meantime, she gets to know Mark and finds him to be a sincere man whom she enjoys spending time with. Just as Bridget and Mark's mutual attraction for each other comes together at a birthday dinner party hosted by Bridget, Daniel comes back into the picture claiming Bridget's attention. Mark originally leaves the party, but comes back to face Daniel. Mark punches Daniel and the two fight, resulting in Daniel passing out. Bridget, still thinking that Daniel had been the wronged one, chastises Mark. Afterward, she tells Daniel that she doesn't want to be with him.

Bridget eventually learns the truth about Mark and Daniel's fallout, in which Daniel had seduced Mark's ex-wife when they were still married. At a dinner party the same day, Bridget confesses her feelings for Mark, only to find out that he is engaged to his colleague.


Bridget is further disheartened once Mark's parents announce at the party that Mark is going to New York. Just as Bridget starts to embark on a trip to

Paris

with her friends to mend her broken heart, Mark returns to stay with Bridget.

As they're about to sleep together, Bridget exits to her bedroom to change her undergarments. While Bridget is changing, Mark spies her diary, in which she has written many insults about him. Bridget returns to find that he has left. Realizing that he had read her diary and that she might potentially lose him again, Bridget runs outside after him in a thin coat and her undergarments. Unable to find him and disheartened she is about to return home when Mark appears holding a new diary.

It becomes apparent that the new diary was to be a gift from Mark to replace Bridget's current diary which she has filled up. They kiss in the snow-covered streets and the movie concludes.

in some ways or the other, i couldn't help noticing the similarities. the attitude of being able to laugh at oneself, of being nonsensical and absent minded..

the fact that renee managed to slim down to get her helluva silhoutte after finishing filming this movie is also meant to be as an inspiration. if only i have a more tenacious motivation, kan?

i mean, if my bf ask me to tone my body down, i'd simply felt that he cares more about my appearance rather than myself, or that he wouldn't care much once i got old and wrinkly. on the other thought, if he doesn't care whether i put on piles of disgusting lard, i'd simply felt that he put such a low standard of myself or that he just doesn't care. in either way, he will lose.

i've done my share of people watching and i observed that there are so many lucky girls out there who simply can tuck in anything and still manage to have a slim prim rack of bones. and as i turned the other way, i saw many girls that are happy and unself-conscious of their monstrous body size and sightly bulges. no. i don't mean any disrespect to any of them. i mean, they have the courage to embrace their body image and live life as it is.

as for me.. well, i know that i'm not over to the obese line yet. but i'm no slimmer, either. all my beautiful lingerie and work clothes dah tak sopan untuk dipakai.. even my favourite chocolate-y skirt pun dah tak dapat cover the flaw <- to me la.

susah kan? i set too high the target for myself. cuma bila datang rasa malas, ada timbul satu suara jahat yang berbisik, i'm still a size smaller compared to others who are not so fortunate. pelik kan? keinginan dan expectation diri terlalu tinggi tapi bila melaksanakan, tak istiqamah dan mudah mengaku kalah.

tu yang jadi frust kan?

anyway, i'll narrate to you of my activities yesterday..

i woke up quite early in the morning. prepared a mixed up English breakfast. didn't have the appetite and trash half of it instead.

next, i watch a few movies on ASTRO. some of it good but i can't recall much of what i've watched. and yes, jerry McGuire was included in the list. somehow i can't escape the "you complete me" - "you had me at hello" part. mushy me, heh!

then i played pc games all afternoon whilst drinking a jugful of cool ribena. by 5 something, primmed myself up to an acceptable appearance and went out.

mulanya ingat nk tgk movie, but the papers were out of stock, i really didn't even have the faintest idea on what and where to watch. so, just brave on to the kl-putrajaya highway. as i drove along, thinking of stopping at klcc, terus terbabas ke klia route. tergelak sendiri jadinya, but thinking that the day was my birthday, i could treat myself to a change of routine, layyannn je la..

proceeded to USJ exit and then to Sunway Pyramid. sampai di sana, terasa rindu sama Abang, and terfikir-fikir that of all people, he's the only one person i wanted to spend my birthday with. sent him a short sms, but with brimful of wistful hope. only to find out that he's tired, and couldn't make it. tetiba je rasa hampa. kosong.

cuba pujuk diri sendiri, that it's ok and that it didn't matter much- cuma rasa sayu tu jadi bertambah.. takpelah.. singgah wendy's for the first time, nothing special there except that they have the baked potato delicacies. ok la rasa dia, rasa full sampai ke malam.

afterwards, singgah bersimpuh di popular book stores. terjumpa a couple of gems from Karen Kendall that is worth less than RM20 for 2. happy!

then, menyinggah di kedai kasut. and i bought 2 delightful ballet shoes, one black and the other playful gold. rasa macam princess plak bila pakai kasut gold tu ke opis pagi ni :)

as i promised myself of domino pizza on my bday since the last 2 months, i went and bought 2 large pizzas for home.

sampai home no.7, it's almost 10.15.. refreshened up, settled down for the comfy cushions with the whimsical book, i sms-ed Abang, summarising the day in a simple theme - it's a bridget jones-y birthday- in truth, i was disappointed that we couldn't share my birthday together, i can't deny that. but i think there's always a greater good lurking somewhere for me at the end of the day.

so there. i'm not totally unhappy. besides, i don't shed even a tear this year.. cuma terfikir tentang umur yang dah suntuk.

thanks to ayin, mjah's family (i think it was Ley-ah who sms-ed me), minkus and mah. not forgotten, Abang, echah, kak k'lyn and the rest who cares enough to sms me..

life's like a box of chocolate, i'll be relishing every flavour that i shall get.

thanks to Allah, the ever Merciful~

of kungfu-ey Panda and stretchy pants

kung fu Panda came to me as a result of last minute decision. and it came with a BANG!

saya suka citer ni, dia klaka la itu panda. watak2 lain kecuali shifu dan tai lung macam tak berkembang sangat. kept minimal and simple. the most lovable Furious Five to me was the Mantis, comel! especially part dia kena pegang tali jambatan gantung tu sementara the other 4 FF fought Tai Lung. lagipun antara FF tu, Mantis and Snake la yg baik sikit pada Po.

here's the wiki sinopsis by the way:

Po (Jack Black) is a panda who works in the noodle shop owned by his goose father Mr. Ping (James Hong). He is also a kung fu fanatic with secret dreams of becoming a great master in the discipline, but Po's defining characteristic appears to be that he is the laziest of all the animals in ancient China. Mr. Ping hopes that Po will one day take over the shop.

The tortoise Master Oogway (Randall Duk Kim) has a premonition that the evil snow leopard warrior Tai Lung (Ian McShane), the former student of his own protege Shifu (Dustin Hoffman), will escape from prison and return to menace the Valley of Peace. While Shifu sends Zeng (Dan Fogler), a messenger goose, to Chorh-Gom Prison to have the security increased, Oogway orders a formal ceremony to choose the mighty Dragon Warrior who can defeat Tai Lung. Everyone assumes that one of the Furious Five (Angelina Jolie as Tigress, Jackie Chan as Monkey, Seth Rogen as Mantis, Lucy Liu as Viper and David Cross as Crane), a quintet of supremely skilled martial artists trained by Shifu, will be chosen for this honor.

While the Five demonstrate their skills at the ceremony, Po finds himself locked outside the walled palace square. He attempts desperately to gain entry through a series of increasingly foolhardy methods. He finally does get over the wall, landing in the middle of the grounds just as Oogway makes his selection. Inspired by this sudden appearance, the old master designates Po the Dragon Warrior to everyone's shock. Despite Po's protests and Shifu's pleas to reconsider, Oogway stands by his decision.

Alarmed at having this slovenly and obese noodle vendor with no martial arts training whatsoever under his tutelage, Shifu attempts to discourage Po by berating and humiliating him into leaving, including threatening to use the apparently deadly "Wuxi Finger Hold" on him. The Five, profoundly disappointed at being upstaged by the panda, similarly dismiss Po as a worthless interloper. Although he becomes aware of Shifu's true intentions, Po endures all the abuse willingly for the growing dream to become something better than the failure he thinks he is, while Master Oogway encourages the panda to believe in himself. Eventually, the affable Po endears himself to the Five (except for Tigress) with his tireless tenacity, good cooking, and sense of humor.

Meanwhile, Zeng's errand backfires disastrously when a tour of the prison given to him by the overly confident head of security, Commander Vachir (Michael Clarke Duncan), inadvertently enables Tai Lung to escape — overwhelming numerous rhinoceros prison guards. In the Valley of Peace, Oogway passes away (which can be interpreted as ascending to Nirvana), his final wish that Shifu train Po. However, upon learning of Tai Lung's return, the death of the Turtle who is the only one to have defeated him and realizing to his horror that he has to face such a villain without any skill in fighting, Po attempts to flee, only to be stopped by Shifu who realizes that the panda must be trained. Unfortunately, when Po confesses in that confrontation his deep self-loathing and the fact that he will never be a match for Tai Lung, Shifu is at a loss for a solution. In the meantime, the Five take it upon themselves to intercept Tai Lung. After a long night of pondering, Shifu discovers the following morning that Po is capable of impressive physical feats when motivated by food. Realizing that he has found the right focus for the panda, Shifu leads Po to the countryside for a intensive training regime in which Po is offered food as a reward for learning his lessons properly. Thus motivated, Po learns swiftly and finally becomes a talented martial artist in his own right.

The Five battle Tai Lung but are eventually beaten and paralyzed with a specialized nerve-striking technique. When they return defeated, Shifu finally decides Po is ready to take the villain on and gives him the sacred Dragon Scroll, which promises great power to the possessor. When Po opens it, he finds nothing but a blank reflective surface. Stricken with despair at the scroll's apparent worthlessness, Shifu orders his students to evacuate the village while he stays to delay Tai Lung from pursuing them for as long as he can.

As Po participates in the evacuation, he comes across his father, who tries to cheer him up by telling him the secret ingredient of the family's popular noodle soup: nothing except what the cook puts into it. Things become special, he explains, because people believe them to be special. Realizing that this truth is the very point of the Dragon Scroll, that the power promised is already inside him, Po rushes off to help Shifu. At this time, Tai Lung confronts Shifu and savagely beats him for his perceived betrayal of not arguing with Master Oogway's rejection of Tai Lung as Dragon Warrior. Tai Lung also wants the Dragon Scroll for himself. For his part, Shifu is crippled by his profound feelings of guilt and responsibility for his former protege, whom he loved like a son, turning to evil.

Before Tai Lung can kill his mentor, Po arrives to challenge him. Although the snow leopard scoffs at the fat panda being the Dragon Warrior, the ensuing fight proves Po to be an extremely formidable opponent. Despite Po's skill, Tai Lung temporarily stuns him and gains the Dragon Scroll, but is aghast when he examines it, unable to understand its symbolism. As he recovers, Po strikes a critical blow on Tai Lung's spirit when he reveals his comprehension of the deeper wisdom of the scroll, a comprehension that the villain cannot match. Frustrated with an apparently useless prize and facing a spiritually superior enemy, Tai Lung tries to kill Po with his nerve strikes. However, the attack proves useless on the panda, as his body fat protects his nerves. Emboldened, Po effectively counter-attacks with a unique improvised combat style that takes advantage of his girth to absorb and deflect the force from Tai Lung's attacks back at him. In the end, Po uses the Wuxi Finger Hold on Tai Lung (which he claims to have learned on his own), destroying him with a devastating explosion that ripples through the valley.

The Furious Five return to the valley to investigate and find a slightly dazed but triumphant Po. Deeply impressed at Po's victory, Tigress leads the Five to acknowledge the panda as a Kung Fu master. The villagers, including Po's father, follow suit and hail Po as a hero. Po remembers his teacher is wounded, and rushes back to Shifu, who appears to be dying, but is only resting after such a terrible battle. Po meditates with him for a few seconds, then finally asks if he would like to go and get something to eat; Shifu takes him up on the offer.

At the end of the credit scroll, Po and Shifu are seen eating together by a peach tree. A seed planted by Shifu earlier has begun to sprout.

the animation was gorgeous and stylishly slick. the theme was heart warming as well. the simple "there's no secret ingredient". believe in yourselves and trust the wisdom of Master Oogway. -> err, part ni politically dubious sikit :)

cuma, the thing is that, i love the part where Po kept on egging until he knows what his destiny lies for him. being the odd guy out bothers him, just like me, thus, his tendency to pig it out tripled by manifolds.

however, in his peculiar single-mindedness in getting his food once he set his goal, shifu found that he has some medium to emulate Po's abilities.

then, there was the escape of Tai Lung. gawd, the beauty of his movement, the prancing of unleashed power <- i nearly went bust there, hihi.. ida suka the fact that in the desperate attempt to save his life and escape, Tai Lung had used every single arrow shot at him to get back at the 1,000 prison guards. for a moment, i sort of rooted for him there ;"> i mean, even though the odds are high, he didn't give up and instead, used the obstacles and setbacks to climb higher and get back at his opponents, so to speak.

no wonder Master Shifu was proud of him.. even though it was found that the pride led to his fall.

kan? kena rendah diri, shahidah.. no use feeling so better than the rest.. kiasu!

then, as the movie was short, less than one and half hour, i got to see the incredible hulk afterwards. waaah! saya sangat-sangat suka citer ni compare dengan cite hulk dulu. this one is more up close and personal, and mr hulk is more humane without losing the macho brutish ways of his. what i remember of the former hulk is that he was weepy and plasticky. eric bana was somewhat emotional and acceptable. but not mr hulk. dia nampak macam plastesin ijo.

saya tau, actually edward norton portrayal as the ever resourceful Bruce Banner pun memang believable. manly, quiet and wise. pendek kata memang saya drooling la! chemistry dengan betty ross pun okey. especially scene potong rambut bruce :)

here's the brief for the delightful movie:

A series of flashback shots show the gamma radiation accident that transformed scientist Bruce Banner (Edward Norton) into the Hulk, and hospitalized of lover, Dr. Elizabeth "Betty" Ross (Liv Tyler). Now a fugitive from the United States Army, and Ross' father, General "Thunderbolt" Ross (William Hurt), Banner works in a soft drink bottling factory in Brazil while attempting to find a cure for his condition with the help of an Internet friend. He also studies martial arts and meditative breathing techniques with a judo expert to help control his emotions, and has not suffered a transformation for five months.

After Banner suffers a cut, and his blood finds its way into a soda bottle eventually drank by an ill-fated consumer (Hulk co-creator Stan Lee), Ross discovers Banner's location, and sends a team to capture him, led by the Russian-born Emil Blonsky. Banner escapes Blonsky, and ends up in Guatemala, from which he travels to the United States, where he sees that a now-recovered Betty is working at Culver University, and dating psychologist Doctor Leonard Samson (Ty Burrell). He also sees his old friend Sam, a pizzeria owner, who gives him a job as a delivery boy. Banner uses this job to sneak past a Culver University security guard (played by TV's Incredible Hulk, Lou Ferrigno) to continue his research. One night Betty visits the pizzeria, and sees Bruce, later reuniting with him.

Blonsky reports to Ross that Bruce evaded them in Brazil because of the appearance of a large green monster. Ross explains that the monster is Banner, and that he was created accidentally during an experiment into military bio-force enchancement, or "Super Soldiers", as Blonsky understands. Blonsky, seeking both revenge and power, volunteers as a test subject in order to capture Banner, and receives a small dose of the same treatment that Banner. He leads an assault on Banner at Culver University, during which Betty is knocked unconscious. Despite Blonsky's increased strength, speed and agility, the Hulk crushes most of the bones in Blonsky's body before absconding with Betty to Smokey Mountain National Forrest. Banner and Betty then travel to Manhattan, where they meet Banner’s Internet friend, Dr. Samuel Sterns (Tim Blake Nelson, who reveals that he has synthesized Banner's blood into a large supply. Banner, who wants merely to be cured and to destroy any trace of the substance in his body that created the Hulk, is appalled, but Sterns believes that this can be a cure for diseases. In an experiment, Banner is restrained, and shocked with electricity into transforming, before having the transformation reversed with an antidote that Sterns has created. Sterns fears, however, that while the antidote works to reverse transformations after their occur, they do not prevent future ones.

General Ross tracks Banner to Manhattan, and captures Banner. After leaving, Blonsky, whose super-soldier treatment has healed all his injuries, confronts Sterns, and forces him to subject him to a higher dose of the gamma radiation treatment, turning him into a monstrous Abomination. In the process, Sterns himself is irradiated, and his cranium begins to mutate. This Abomination goes on a rampage in the city, hoping to draw out Banner.^[2] Banner, realizing that he is the only one who can stop the Abomination, convinces General Ross to release him. Banner jumps out of Ross' helicopter as it hovers of the city, hoping the fall will stimulate his adrenal glands into triggering a transformation (similar to the scene near the end of the comic book miniseries The Ultimates in 2003). Banner's plans succeeds, and after a violent, pitched battle, the Hulk escapes.

Three days later, Banner is in Bella Coola, British Columbia, again meditating, but instead of trying to suppress his transformations, he is attempting to initiate them in a controlled manner, and now, as his eyes turn green, instead of appearing horrified, a grin appears on his face.

In a bar, Ross is approached by Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.), about participating in a "team" that Stark is putting together. In response, Ross asks what the team is called.

and know what, every now and then, i was hoping for a glimpse of the famous Mr Tony Stark! only to be offered a brief cameo of him, hinting the outing of the next Marvel movie, perhaps, the Justice League, kot?

all in all, the incredible hulk was awesome, full with the non-stopping actions and heart-pumping escapades. scene di padang universiti tu, bila si blonsky mengejek hulk, uish.. i was so fascinated. padan muka di blonsky tu kena penyepak, hehehe..

ada scene di mana hulk telah mempenyekkan the abomination ke dalam tanah with his furious pummelling fist, i was like, yeay!! the feeling sangat best, rasa nk ajak hulk tu dating plak, hahaha! rasakan kau, abomination!

then, there was the issue of encik banner becoming a hulk. couldn't get too excited or he'll end up all twisty and green. oh ya, nasib baik ada stretchy pant, kan? hahaha.. i couldn't help my perv nature to peek. i mean, the subject of hulk's stretchy pant was handled so delicately that i couldn't help smiling to myself.

then, there was a thought of the Abomination, kesian pasal he definitely lost all his manliness when he became the beast. tapi satu perkara bagus pasal mr. Abomination, dia tak payah susah2 cari stretchy pants :)

perhaps because bwg dropped by yesterday, i couldn't help myself from thinking that norton's banner is somewhat like bwg, cap and all. dah le selalu ke mana2 with flannel short and stretchy jeans (hahah!) and his laptop backpack, sebijik plak. and somehow, i think bwg does has his mr hulk somewhere in his silent self.

okeyh! got to rush somewhere else.. will update something special later, k?

celaru

esok cuti.. kebetulan esok ayah, adik dan mak jah with clan dah nak beransur pulang ke terengganu.. dikin and mek pula scheduled for a flight to Sabah in the afternoon.. sesuai sangat kena bercuti..

ida sangat sensitif kan? bila upset, semua benda yg mudah dan simple pun jadi complicated. bukan ida mintak untuk jadi manusia yang complicated..

rasa celaru yang amat sekarang. terasa ada perkara yang nak dikongsi bersama, untuk dilepaskan dari bersawang dalam fikiran. tetapi buat masa ni, segala bait2 rasa yang ada harus disimpan supaya segalanya dapat ditelaah dengan tepat dan sewajarnya..

hopefully with the break taken tomorrow, rasa celaru yang ada akan dapat dirungkaikan seadanya.

rasanya, harus lebih matang dalam menangani keadaan, menelaah perasaan dan menatap kenyataan..

googling his story

hari ni bermula dengan sedikit down, after a rather sombre, yet kind and wise, lecture by Encik Aziz... hati ada rasa terubat bila dia explain reason why.. instead of the stab and retract method of esyubi, Encik Aziz made me understand why the improvisation i did was considered unacceptable.

i'm not too much stubborn a person, you know. but i resented toeing to the hazy imperfect lines wthout being given any plausible reason at all. i need to understand and believe first. i need to know. then only will i surrender to totally amend my practice and adjust my belief.

anyway, ida lepak kat portal, overloading the kopitiam :) then medcham somehow inadvertently gave an idea for me to google my name in the websites. saje. menghabiskan masa. then i thought of googling someone's story on the net. banyak jugak artikel2 menarik yang ditulis akan dibaca after this. except that he hasn't put anything much on the internet lately. sibuk kot? unlike me :p

oh, well.. my mood is still foul. nak balik pun takde semangat. em, Adik ada kat rumah, sampai pagi tadi dengan ayah and makjah's clan.. gotta go back soon then..

for my childhood fren

take a little bit

of time

to understand

that for now,

this is where i stand

at the cross roads

between you and him..

take a little bit

of faith

to remember

that long before

it was you

that taught my heart

learn to know love more than hate

take a little bit

of patience

to persevere

that someday

it is me

that shall make your love burn

so bright to keep us both warm

through the coldness blizzard of loneliness-

i know you would understand and have faith

i know you loved me then and love me still

in your halting voice, i sip the truth

to remember that

after all of these and all of those

we are friends who love first

and to hate, never-

time is what i need to sort things out

to gather the strength and take the best road

whether it leads to you or drives us further apart

i shall not know...

say you found me, darling

say i have you..

for i do not know whether you love me enough

to have me love you back as much as you do..

happy birthday

june has come for a week or so. it's a month of birthday celebration. angie had hers by 4th, then Qayyim and minKus by 6th.

and today, the King's official birthday. i feel much so sentimental about this..

a year ago, figuratively speaking, it was me there, being a someone, with someone particular that still very much into me.. i love my job and i take pride of it and the challenges that come with it.

and today, a year later, i was somewhat a nobody. i am good with my job but not making ripples enough and that i couldn't stand my current boss. it was damningly frustrating.i felt that all my thinking capabilities unappreciated and slowly eroding..

i miss all the wild hectic heydays. there at istiadat, i could be pushed and stretched to the strings yet at the end of the day,i found something of worthy that is mine to claim. i am somebody.

sekarang ni macam lost. bagus macam mana pun yr boss couldn't understand you enough. yr spirit got broken because they couldn't identify with yr vision and couldn't wait to break yr spirit.

i am rebellious,i give u that. in parts, some would say that i am obnoxious and meticulous and demanding. egoistic, don't forget that. but if i am not given a reprieve from this stiffling environment, i am afraid that i'd go bust.

just this morning, hearing Abang's voice over the tv as i cooked lunch for Ayh, Mah and Sapee, and i got to watch him thru the tv, my heart constricted. rasa sayu, so much that i've lost.. kan?

and then, watching the King as he displayed his hard-to-concealed ire towards his Mamanda, my heart went out for him.

i know i am a govt servant and that i should be loyal to the govt in office, yet, such blatant disrespect of the public trust and expectations, i felt frustrated. in anger towards the brains of the govt who failed to take the wise actions instead of dropping the bomb towards us, the mere ra'yat. do they feel the suffering of those incapable of doing much to escape the roll-out effect?

do they have to lunch with a mere nasi garam to survive? do they?

what steps the government are taking to walk the talk before shoving the people to jump the plank first?

what?

hati kesian pada ayah. too much burden he's carrying.. kesianpada mak. kesian pada abang E. kesian pada semua yang terasa beban yang sepatutnya dibantu kerajaan. mungkin bukan dengan subsidi, tapi dengan cara2 bijak lain yg dapat meningkatkan kualiti hidup rakyat..

happy bday, my King. hope there's something we can do together to stop this nightmarish reality from escalating  much worse than it should have been...

rasa nk shopping!

hmmm.. tetiba aje rasa gila datang untuk bershopping!

sandal dah putus.. baju dah sendat <- ini salah sendiri!

actually, instead of berjalan-jalan menghabiskan duit, seeloknya duduk rumah kemas umah, kan?

apa salahnya? kan?

cuma saya rasa saya bosan duduk rumah sorang2.. tapi saya juga tak nak lemas bila orang ada bersama saya..

camne ni?

apa yg saya nak sebenarnya?

anak ikan ;">

baru2 ni mixfm posed a question:

why is it okay for men to date younger women, but it's a taboo when women date younger men?

hmm? what do u guys think?

to me, memang ada taboo, when u asked my mom :p

and in fact, when i considered dating a much younger guy, i immediately felt like a pervert. sullied.

which explains why MJr and me we haven't done any dating relationship of sorts back then. not that he's too young. it's just that i have reservations regarding younger men and older women.

having that  stifler's mom stigma at the very thought of ever initiating the first invitation.

but, in full truth, younger men make me easier to relax and lower my guard. kekadang i flirted outrageously, true to my gemini blood, always confident of  no threat coming. i become a much carefree person, free with my laughter, relaxed.

whereas, on the other hand, in the presence of older guys, i sort of revert to my true nature, shy and prim. mungkin pasal ada possibility of romantic relationship or that wanting to give a good impression.

ya ke?

kekadang sesuka oren je, suka menyakat! lagi pemalu little fishies, lagi giat disakat, a twisted sense of humor, kot?

pengakuan yg jujur, there are times when i feel much at ease with younger guys. they make good male frens. but at times, i'm afraid that i shall be the dominant partner of the relationship.. and in order to prevent that, in a way or another, i'll exert changes in my other aspects of life, by becoming less of my true self. contohnya, macam pelakon Hollywood, bila partner lagi muda, they tend to dress much younger than they really are.

then, there is the question of looking older than our young partner.. kata orang, perempuan lagi sensitif bila dia tampak lagi tua dari suami dia..

me? being an almost 27 years old pun dah di-mistaken as 30-0ld-ish with kids, agak2 korang la...

apapun, i believe that jodoh dah tertulis.

personally, i think i want to be the younger partner in a marriage. memang ada rasa keanak-anakan, nakal dan playful yang memang sebati. dan ada rasa insecure yg menebal, that i wish that the person who loves me shall always have me feel protected and safe. someone who will always make me be grateful that he's going to take care of our kids.. a man.

sigh- so there, instead of teasing anak ikan into frenzy with their beautiful blushes, i think i shall not be the Mrs Robinson anymore!

em, but teasing is so fun :)

gemini read for today

The Bottom Line

Put together a budget that's a little bit painful -- add some bulk to your savings.

In Detail

All the stimulation you've been adding to your life has been great, but the cost of those experiences is adding up to create quite a sum total on your credit card statement! It's time to add some more bulk to your rapidly dwindling rainy day fund! Put together a budget that's a little bit painful -- force yourself to go without a few indulgences for a while, and you might be able to enjoy a much bigger one later. Delayed gratification isn't always fun, but it is always worth it.

-> kena carik pigibeng balik la..

last night, there was an article: hungrier stomach for fuller fuel tank. which correctly identifies the picture of what we people shall have to endure..

i know that i could be so deep sometimes, talking about this political, social and economic stuff. and for once, i want to avoid writing too much on it.

otherwise, you'll find my words too sharp to bear besides of the OSA stamp upon my service records.

oh, well. may God save us all-

the hill by Marketa Irglova

a beautiful song that struck a chord deep inside~

Walking up the hill tonight
and you have closed your eyes
I wish I didn't have to make
all those mistakes and be wise

Please try to be patient
and know that I'm still learning
I'm sorry that you have to see
the strength inside me burning

Where are you my angel now
don't you see me crying?
And I know that you can't do it all
but you can't say I'm not trying

I'm on my knees in front of him
but he doesn't seem to see me
But all his troubles on his mind
he's looking right through me

And I'm letting myself down
beside this fire in you
And I wish that you could see
that half my troubles too

Looking at you sleeping
I'm with the man I love
I'm sitting here weeping
while the hours pass so slow

And I know that in the morning
I'll have to let you go
And you'll be just a man
once I used to know
And for these past few days
someone I don't recognise

This isn't all my fault
when will you realise

Looking at you leaving,

I'm looking for a sign

If You Want Me by Markéta Irglová

Are you really here or am I dreaming
I can’t tell dreams from truth
For it’s been so long since I have seen you
I can hardly remember your face anymore
When I get really lonely and the distance calls it's only silence
I think of you smiling with pride in your eyes a lover that sighs

If you want me satisfy me
If you want me satisfy me

Are you really sure that you believe me
When others say I lie
I wonder if you could ever despise me
You know I really try
To be a better one to satisfy you for you’re everything to me
And I do what you ask me
If you let me be free

If you want me satisfy me
If you want me satisfy me

If you want me satisfy me
If you want me satisfy me

-> i remembered her singing say you found me instead of satisfy me. but, oh, well. it was a beautiful song nonetheless-

um, i ended up sharing their pix here plak :)

anyway, just fyi, marketa and glen ended up being a couple in real life~

sigh.. the look he was giving her, like every cell of his being leaping out for her, IS real after all (^^,)t

falling slowly by Glen Hansard & Markéta Irglová

i love the song.. it won the 80th Academy Award for Best Original song..

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

once - an Irish gem

An unnamed, thirty-something Dublin busker (listed in the credits as "Guy," played by Glen Hansard) sings and plays guitar on Grafton Street, a Dublin shopping district, struggling with the trials of performing on the street, including chasing after a heroin addict (Darren Healy) who attempts to steal his earnings.

Lured by his music, an unnamed young Czech immigrant flower seller (listed in the credits as "Girl," played by Markéta Irglová) approaches him impertinently during one of his late night street performances and, despite his annoyance, persists in questioning him about his songs. Upon learning that he also repairs vacuum cleaners in his father's shop, she insists that he fix her broken vacuum.

The next day she brings her Hoover by and parlays it into lunch together, where upon she piques his interest by telling him that she is a musician, too. He asks to hear her play, so they visit a music store where she regularly plays piano. After teaching her one of his songs ("Falling Slowly"), which she quickly learns to play, they sing and play the song together, kindling a musical and potentially romantic connection.

He invites her and her ailing vacuum back to his father's shop, and on the bus home musically answers her question as to what his songs are about: a long-time girlfriend who cheated on him, then left ("Broken Hearted Hoover Fixer Sucker Guy").

At the shop, he repairs her vacuum and she meets his father (Bill Hodnett), who seems indifferent to his son's musical talent. The Guy takes the Girl up to his room, but when he asks her to stay the night, she is insulted and leaves.

The next day, he apologizes and they quickly patch things up, as over the course of a week they excitedly write, rehearse and record songs, and get to know each other.

Songs continue to be performed in a real-world, diegetic fashion, often in their entirety, as when the Girl rehearses her lyrics for one of the Guy's songs (which she entitles "If You Want Me"), singing to herself while walking down the street, or when at a party, people perform impromptu (including "Gold," performed by a trio featuring guitarist Hansard singing harmony).

Their flirtation continues, but at the same time, he is thinking about and writing about ("Lies") his ex-girlfriend (Marcella Plunkett), who moved to London. The Girl encourages him to move there, win his girlfriend back and pursue his musical career.

Invited home to dinner by the Girl, the Guy discovers that she has a toddler (Kate Haugh) and lives with her mother (Danuse Ktrestova). He soon decides that it is time to move to London, but he wants to make a high-quality demo of his songs to take with him and asks the Girl to record it with him.

She takes the lead as they secure a bank loan—from a bank where the loan officer (Sean Miller) is a musical hobbyist—and reserve time at a professional studio.

On a romantic motorbike jaunt, she reveals, much to his consternation, that she is married, though her estranged husband is back in the Czech Republic. When Guy asks if she still loves her husband, she answers in Czech, "Miluju tebe"^[7], but coyly declines to translate what she said.

After recruiting a trio of musicians (Gerard Hendrick, Alaistair Foley, Hugh Walsh), they rehearse, then go into the studio to record.

Their lack of experience shows, but they quickly impress the jaded studio engineer Eamon (Geoff Minogue) once they begin recording their first song ("When Your Mind's Made Up").

On a break in the wee hours of the morning, the Girl finds a piano in an empty studio and finally plays the Guy one of her own compositions ("The Hill"), though she breaks down before finishing the song, which tells of romantic frustration. He responds by asking her to come with him to London, but is not prepared for the reality of her mother coming along to help with the baby.

Still, he is smitten. After the all-night session wraps up successfully, they walk home. Before they part ways, the Girl reveals that she spoke to her husband and he is coming to live with her in Dublin.

The Guy asks her to spend his last night in Dublin with him; she says that it would only result in "hanky-panky," which is a "bad idea", but after the Guy's pestering she ultimately agrees to come over.

In the end, she stands him up and he cannot find her to say goodbye before his flight. He plays the demo for his father, who, moved and impressed, gives him money to help him get settled in London.

Before leaving for the airport, the Guy buys the Girl a piano and makes arrangements for its delivery, then calls his ex-girlfriend, who is happy about his imminent arrival. The Girl's husband (Senan Haugh) moves to Dublin and they reunite.

But the final shots convey how the Girl and the Guy were deeply affected by their short time together.

During the shoot, Carney (the director) had predicted a romance, calling Hansard and Irglová his Bogart and Bacall. Hansard and Irglová did become a couple in real life, getting together while on a promotional tour across North America, and they now live together in Dublin, in Hansard's flat.

Entertainment Weekly reported,

“

The chemistry between (the) two leads ... was easy to produce during the January 2006 shoot in Dublin. "I had been falling in love with her for a long time, but I kept telling myself she's just a kid," says Hansard, 37, who has known his 19-year-old co-star for the past six years. (The two are now dating.) "There was definitely the feeling we were documenting something precious and private."

”

Yet Hansard and Irglová were quite happy with the unrequited ending for their onscreen characters.

In an interview, Hansard states that "Had Fox Searchlight Pictures changed it, had they changed the end and made us kiss, I wouldn't be interested in coming and promoting it, at all."

Hansard says that ad-libbing produced the moment where Irglova's character tells the Guy in unsubtitled Czech, "I love you," but when it was shot, he didn't know what she'd said, just like his character.

-> after a restless early evening at home, i decided to drove all the way to midV and have Once for the night. one of my favourite columnist once spoke so highly of the movie that my interest was piqued.

at start, rasa frust pasal takde subtitle langsung. i had to dig into my reserves of Irish slang in order to understand what the actors are saying. their English, is like Indonesian to us Malaysians, they might be incomprehensible, yet when they sing, it was crystal clear and beautiful too!

i watched 3 people leaving the almost empty cinema hall. only old people left, including me. what the heck? i just wanted to know what the hype was all about.

and i am glad that i stayed. Once is like a movie you loathe to watch, but at the same time, your heart kept returning to watch, to listen all over again.

macam cinta. betapa kita rasa kita mampu untuk bergerak setapak meninggalkan harapan yang tak berbalas, kita entah bagaimana, kembali ke tempat yang sama, kembali mendakap bayang2 tipu tanpa kisah walau apa pun berlaku.

the songs are beautiful. the chemistry between the Guy and the Girl, are deep. the song "if you want me", when she sang it as she thought of him, moves me.. say you found me, she said. and i couldn't help it but felt my tears trickle down my cheeks.

then, the song she sang at the studio, "the hill", when she stumbled and cried in the middle of the song, i cried even more.

terasa lagu2 ni menyentuh rasa. memahami apa rasa jiwa yang sebenarnya tak mampu nak diluahkan sejujurnya.

rasa nak tengok lagi. malam ni citer ni masih ditayangkan di midV....

and there was its soundtrack out too.. the songs are as follows:

All songs written by Glen Hansard, except where noted.

1. Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová: "Falling Slowly" (Hansard/Irglová) – 4:04
2. Irglová and Hansard: "If You Want Me" (Irglová) – 3:48
3. Hansard: "Broken Hearted Hoover Fixer Sucker Guy" – 0:53
4. Hansard and Irglová: "When Your Mind's Made Up" – 3:41
5. Hansard and Irglová: "Lies" – (Hansard/Irglová) – 3:59
6. Interference: "Gold" (Fergus O'Farrell) – 3:59
7. Irglová: "The Hill" (Irglová) – 4:35
8. Hansard: "Fallen from the Sky" – 3:25
9. Hansard: "Leave" – 2:46
10. Hansard: "Trying to Pull Myself Away" – 3:36
11. Hansard: "All the Way Down" – 2:39
12. Hansard and Irglová: "Once" – 3:39
13. Hansard: "Say It to Me Now" – 2:35

sigh..

i was wondering. memang citer ni bersama lagu-lagunya menyentuh hati.. and i thought, very wistfully, that someone who loves me will find me this film copy and soundtrack..

i know it was wistful thinking. that i should know better than wish for such a romantic notion. but i love this movie. it will forever remind me that i once watched this and felt all alone, cold and unloved.

and that someone, who loves me, in more ways than he could ever say, understood the feelings of loneliness too.

and the songs will always remind me to love and appreciate him more for trying his best to vanquish the loneliness i felt away.

for once, i understood love.

the wanting of company.

of knowing that you have found someone.

a soul mate that touches deep into your raw emotion.

that you felt your feelings are naked in his eyes.

yet your inner secrets are safe with him.

as his are with you.

lovers need not be together

when their hearts have found each other-

once.

hello

hello~

i wonder about you

are you okay?

does life treat you fine?

do you remember me a bit, if not much?

i thought i saw u in the shadows

reached out to touch

only to know that you are gone

never there for me at all

hello~

i thought i'd be over you

that i could just throw the feelings

and got away and away

forgetting all the hopes of us

and never to be a fool

and i wish

that i won't wish the same thing

again

and i hope

that i won't hope the same thing

anymore

what can i do

to have all the dreams back?

to smile and dance free in the light?

when i just need to take a breath in

to remember you still with my every being~

hello, hi, um-

i don't know whether this is love for you

or that i'm just stubborn to admit defeat