this is done in order to help me handle my break-up in a rational, positive way.
i don't know whether it will work its miracle for u guys. but for me, these had helped me tide things over until the pain fades.
Whenever i am in the relationship ( or pseudo-relationship ) that is on the rocks, the first logical thing to do is to write down the actual, brutally honest analysis on the relationship.
the more i ramble on, analysing the positive and negative things about the relationship, the clearer picture i will have on what i will do next.
to stay and work out things out or walk away.
should it be much better to break up, the positive, healthier way to handle it and be a better person is to cry. break up is a sad occurence, the black mark on yr life canvas. it is only natural that we mourn the loss, the disappointment and the miserable feelings by shedding a tear.
to keep the misery inside is not normal. even strong people is allowed to cry sometimes. so, do cry a bit. then, wipe the tear stains, pick up yr life and move on.
to help ease out the emotional pain, a listening confidante is much appreciated. handling break up is much easier when i have someone to talk to. usually by the phone as face-to-face communication might be quite difficult to handle at that time.
have the courage to be honest and accept blunt honesty from your confidence. and do take time to listen to their problems too. life is not about our problems only. sometimes i feel my personal emotional burden lifted up considerably whenever i shared my frens' problems. it made me feel that every problem has their solution. and that pain will heal itself soon. we shall live forth!
then, in a typical way of a working girl, i love to shop! till my credit card rips, sometimes . this is a bad habit that i should avoid. but, retail therapy does work wonders.
trying gorgeous shoes on do have the impact of making me feel like a woman. beautiful things do that to me :) especially black high heels :p i haven't graduated to buying boots like k.aida yet but someday, should the impulse struck and the bank account balance permits, i might get one!
nothing like a sexy high heels to make u feel more a woman deliberated ^o^
nice legs, anyway :p
retail therapy is considered an aggressive move. here's another one: burning something. i remembered the calm, deliberated feelings i felt as i burnt all the momentos of a failed relationship. the ashes, the smell of something burning, the total annihilation of something that might make u remember the pain: that gave me the strength to move on. it was something that i won't do unless i am really sure there's no turning back.
that the relationship is really over. i have moved on. period. titik!
some of the time, in order to get over a break up, i become a couch potato. this is not really a good idea. but, to wind down and just watch tv, that could be one of the way to take my mind off from the problems and deal with it sub-consciously. the story sometimes is what i could relate with my life. as i watched, i thought about the movies/ cartoons/ serials, i got some rough ideas on how to deal with the reality. i got the excuse to weep my self-pity or watched a happy ending to give me hopes of a better luck next time :)
music is also an essential part to me as i trudge on during break ups. somehow, the melody, the lyrics, everything about a right song simply helps me deal with the pain. try Lelaki ini by anuar zain ( http://youtube.com/watch?v=Gk8iPDR97b4 ), avril's when u're gone ( http://youtube.com/watch?v=h0-ruMop0J8 )or chasing cars ( http://youtube.com/watch?v=KWrsA9CRSI8 ) by snow patrol, music has therapeutic effect on our soul, kan? especially bila time hujan, melayan perasaan :lol: tetiba je air mata meleleh kan? satu demi satu....
to chin up after a good cry would be by feasting on ice creams! my current fave would be McD's green bean shake ^o^ i haven't try any baskin robbins or haagen daazs up till this moment yet; i'm saving it for something bigger such as a big celebration or a big break up :p try having an ice cream or other pleasure-cuisine when u r feeling down. it does help u feel better if u don't overdo it :) my all-time favret would be vanilla. always~
naturally my self-esteem as a woman suffered after i broke up with someone. to deal with this, i put on make-up and dress up for no reason at all. being the plastic face that minkus and ayin always tease me of, i felt a make-up transformed me into someone else. someone more wonderful. someone different. someone desired. i haven't done this for a long time... maybe i realize that putting a make up is only a ritual. it is what i feel inside that matters. really matters.
but it helps to smile in the mirror and see beautiful face that is yours smile back, kan?
sometimes, break-up aftermath always results in me wanting a personal space. a time for me to recuperate. during this, i love to read. to lose myself into a fiction-wonderland. Jane eyre, wuthering heights, judith mcnaughts, john grishams, barbara taylor bradfords: anything that is a good read, i love them. i am an avid reader, absorbed and passionate. i could lose myself in a good read without ever caring of the world outside, emerging out only after i finished reading :)
i remember spending my travel time by the bus, car or commuters by reading something, anything that i could get my hands on. at public places, u rarely spot me with nothing to read, ask my frens :p
i also swim to feel better. the more private the pool, the better. the bigger, the more relaxing i will feel in playing around the water.
one day, i'm going to have a personal pool at my home. will work hard enough to achieve this. (hey! this gives me the idea of the next jix : my dream home!)
erm, these guys keep asking me whether i wore two-piece or one piece swimsuit whenever i swim. yes, i do wear a two-piece: a full swimsuit and a hair cap, nothing else. happy?
singing is good also. even though my voice isn't that great, fooling around, singing myself silly is fun! it's a good outlet for repressed emotion, they say :p
if i get minkus to join me in my silliness, that doubles the fun also. having someone who still loves u in yr silliness helps, u know.
and that brings us to the much positive ways to handle break-ups. being with people. talking and hugging Mak, helps me handle my problems emotionally. she is my rock. through ups and downs, she's there to be hugged. and to hug me back. in her arms, everything feels like it will really be okay again. really.
cooking with frens and families also helps. remember how izzie of Grey's anatomy bakes and bakes muffins when denny died? i think cooking do helps us people deal with grief tremendously. especially if the food is shared with those who really care about us. even when i live alone, i often cook and share my gourmet dishes with my neighbours and office mates. it makes me feel better than eating it alone. knowing that they enjoy my spaggeti does wonder to the feminine nature that is mine.
doing charity is good to yr soul too. especially when in pain, the more selfless goodness we do unto others without asking anything in return, the better u will feel about yrself. being in company of underprivileged people, u forgot yr own pain and u focus on making other people happier instead. such heart, such effort, will not go unrewarded by Allah. it made me realised that there are so many other people that are less fortunate than me... what is heart break when compared to impoverished lives, snuffed dreams of poor children? i dare not linger long on war-ravaged stories, it hurt too much.. the violence, the cruelty and the uncaring. by extending hands into charity works, as we help the needy, we help ourselves more to be humane.
being in nature, simply picking up litter, without being told, is the small thing that helps u become a better person.
driving somewhere helps me to reflect more on my life journey. to be able to reflect and analyse my origin, my growth as a person and my prospects in a near future, gives me some sense of calm. travelling in the city to watch the building lights, by the beach to feel the wind, anywhere on this world.. as long as i'm free of traffic jams, that is :p
exercise is good also for the broken hearted. personally i feel much better as i do something good to my body instead of lazying around. the adrenaline pumping, the vigorous workout simply doesn't give me much time to wallow in self-pity...
it gives me a sense of a goal. something to do to prove that i am good in something. the closer the finishing line, the more i speed off, running like hell just so the painful past stay behind...
people say babies give miraculous effect on u. i remembered the first time baby adam gripped my hand from his incubator. he gripped my finger and squeezed my heart into loving him instead... sigh~ i think i am of maternal type.. made to be a mother, a wife and all that soppy brouhaha. except that i don't feel it is a burden nor a degrading role to have. i know i can work hard to keep my priorities right. maybe someday i'll consider adopting shall i pass the age of marriagedom.
i am always a mother first, i know that deep in my heart. a baby will keep me happy enough. we got into a discussion that day, minkus and i: are u going to keep the baby resulted from a rape? deep inside in my heart, i know the answer... no matter what, i love my baby. she's a part of me. ( hmm.. now u know i prefer a daughter more, right? :p ) someone mine... if only God allows semen donor minus the complication, kan? :blush: :blush:
break ups are easier to handle when u are able to keep your impeccable sense of humor. to be intelligent enough to notice and appreciate the irony of the situation. laugh and smile, when u feel like it, with honesty and heartfelt gratitude that your life is still yours..
laugh not out of duty, but out of gratitude that somehow, though yr heart is in pieces, there is still something funny to tickle yr mind off it. a sign that Allah still care...
last but not least, the most effective way to handle break up is by searching your soul for your ever true Love. in a prayer whispered straight from the heart, salvation is abundant, as if this heartbreak is a way for Him to draw me closer and closer to Him.
in darkness, in light, He will always be here. with me close. none other care more about me, except Him. never a second He abandons, never a second He loses me, never a second. in Him, i find the reason to keep on loving other people, to do good, to love myself and others. to love Him more.
u guys might think that i am strong enough to handle heart break in a positive way. that i am this wonderful person who can chalk up my disappointment and walk forth to succeed even more. maybe i am strong. maybe i am wonderful. someone that silly git of a person simply so foolish for breaking her heart. maybe i am. but do remember that i am what Allah has generously given me to be.
i am strong. will always be strong. for I have Him. hopefully, I will always have Him... the Only One. Him.
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